So you think your children have trouble getting along? Maybe you need to be properly introduced to
Joseph and his brothers who pick up right where Jacob and Esau left off. You would think that Jacob would have learned
from his famous sibling rivalry that when a parent favors one child over the
other that it never leads to anything positive, especially when it comes to
family dynamics. Yet, we see Jacob
blatantly favoring Joseph by giving him this coat of many colors identifying
him as the chosen child. Joseph was
Rachel’s first born and we know that Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah. It had taken Jacob and Rachel a long time to
conceive a child so it’s no wonder that Joseph was the apple of Jacob’s
eye.
Actually, if you read from Genesis 29:31 – 30:24, it may add
insight to understanding what was going on in this messed up family of
Jacob’s. The most creative of soap opera
writers couldn’t come up with a saga as juicy.
Basically, Leah and Rachel get into what I would describe as a fertility
war and they get their maidservants in on the act. The result is that Jacob fathers 12 children
by four different women. Talk about
sibling rivalries just waiting to happen.
Then, because he loves Rachel so much, when she finally conceives a
child (Joseph), Jacob openly favors him.
When we pick up the story in Chapter 37 of Genesis, we see
Joseph tending the flocks with some of his brothers, which we are told are the
sons of the concubines (Leah and Rachel’s servants), Bilhah and Zilpah. Joseph gives a “bad” report to his father
concerning his brothers. Maybe they were
mistreating the animals or not tending the flocks in the manner that Jacob had
instructed, we don’t know exactly. This
is not important, but what is curious is the family dynamic here. Joseph is working with his older brothers
whose mothers are not Leah or Rachel, but the Concubines. These brothers were likely on the low end
when it came to Dad’s favoritism, while Joseph sat at the top. Was Joseph there to spy on them? Had Jacob heard bad reports elsewhere about
them? Possibly, but for sure it makes
for interesting conversation especially as it seems to be the igniter that sets
off emotions of hatred from Joseph’s brothers. These emotions were likely
already felt by the other brothers, whether they had been expressed or not, but
this incident clearly helped to bring them to the surface.
This also shows us how Joseph seems to be virtuous to a
fault. Joseph tells Dad what’s going on
with his brothers where most would likely keep quiet in order to keep peace
with their siblings. Surely Joseph knew
his mischievous brothers would give him grief at a later time for being a tattle
tale. We see this uninhibited virtue
again in his telling of the dreams. He
avoids tact completely and holds back no details of his brother’s sheaves
bowing down to his or the celestial beings representing his family bowing down
to him as well. Joseph seemed to lack
that filter which helps us to decide what to share and not to share in the
matters of family and general social graces.
Finally, when his brothers have had enough and saw Joseph
approaching in his bright colored coat that they all had grown to hate, we see
only Reuben, the oldest, with any amount of self-control. He convinces his brothers, for the moment,
not to act hastily in killing him.
Unfortunately Reuben must’ve had to attend to something else as when he
returns, Judah and the others have come up with a scheme that they likely
thought was better than killing him, they sold him. Reuben, evidently agreed to go along because
they continued the scheme by killing a goat and put its blood on the hated coat
in order to fool their father.
I’m not sure where to start in terms of the family
application because the material seems endless.
Let’s begin by admitting sibling rivalries are a part of life and just
fess up to the fact that if we have more than one child we are going to deal
with it. If I can add a twist to an old
cliché, if they don’t kill each other it will only make our children
stronger. This was the case for Joseph
and to some extent his brothers as well.
So often we just wish our children would just get along, but It’s funny,
I don’t remember God ever promising us a peaceful family coexistence.
We just returned yesterday evening from Kentucky as Hannah
spent most of the week at my sister’s. Hannah
participated in VBS at my sister’s church.
When Hannah and Katelynn had their reunion after 5 days apart there was
much hugging and kissing and confessions of missing one another. Yet, this morning everything returned to
normal as I heard Katelynn screaming when her sister yanked away whatever it
was that belonged to her that Katelynn had temporarily acquired. So much for missing each other.
There is hope though that we can observe Jacob’s
mistakes and learn from them. Blatant
favoritism is never a good policy, but is it realistic to treat our kids
equally? I don’t think so. A wise man once said “treating our kids the
same isn’t fairness, threating them differently is.” Obviously, Joseph was a unique child as
likely was his brothers. But for Jacob
to try to treat all his boys the same would have been as foolish as the overt
favoritism he showed Joseph. The
challenge is to meet our children where they are and not try to cram them into
a mold that does not fit them. You’ve
likely heard Proverbs 22:6. “Train a
child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from
it.” Notice the verse says “the way he
(or she) should go” as opposed to “the way we think he or she should go.” Maybe I’m reading too much into this but if
we think of this in terms of a path, this verse suggests to me that each
child’s path is unique. In my Bible
there is a footnote by the word “train” denoting the word could also be
“start.” So perhaps if we think of ourselves
in two ways here. We are called to be
catalysts for our children, encouraging them to pursue avenues in life, but
also we are to be guardrails for our children.
Whatever road they are taking there will be danger spots just off the
road, but we stand in the area that is still safe and if they bump up against
us it could hurt them and it could hurt us but at least they aren’t falling off
the cliff behind us just off the edge of the road.
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